How do you press on?

May 10, 2011 By 4 Comments

Last night I went to bed at 9:00pm.

I hoped today I would feel rested and be productive.

Hasn’t happened yet.

UGH!

Why do I still feel tired?

Hmmm…lets review, maybe it’s because there are way too many things on my to do list these days?

Maybe it’s because we have had something planned every single night last week?

Maybe it’s because I’m tired of arguing with my daughter about how I don’t want to do another slumber party for her birthday?

Maybe it’s because I’m planning for another outdoor family portrait and the weather man says it’s going to rain again?

Maybe it’s because I have a baptism to prepare for?

Maybe it’s because I didn’t get my children’s rooms done this school year like I hoped and summer vacation is less than 10 days away?

Maybe it’s because my face is broken out{acne} so much…I look horrible.

Did I mention we are supposed to get our family portrait taken tomorrow…which might not happen AGAIN; but if we do I will look hideous!

Maybe it’s because companies keep sending products I order to my old address?

Maybe it’s because the outfit I ordered for our family portrait has not arrived yet? Just arrived while writing this post.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t been able to take a break lately?

Maybe it’s because I’m behind on laundry?

Maybe it’s because my iphone won’t ring anymore?

Maybe it’s because I spent 2 hours looking for my daughter’s yearbook receipt and still can’t find it?

Maybe it’s because my closet is an utter and complete unorganized mess and I don’t know when I will find the time to get it under control?

Maybe it’s because I found water damage in my daughter’s bedroom today?

Maybe it’s because I don’t have an awesome blog post to offer my readers today?  Instead you have to read this awful list of yuck.  I’m sorry. :(

Holy cow, my life is way off balance right now!  Now wonder I feel this way!  I’m beginning to feel paralyzed due to being overwhelmed.  That’s definitely not good.  I have way too much to do for that to happen.

Do you ever feel this way?

If so, what do you do to get out of it?  How do you press on?

Just in case:

  • Yes, I have taken my medicine today. {However, large amounts of stress seem to cancel it out}
  • Yes, I ate breakfast.
  • Yes, I took my vitamin packets.
  • Yes, I ate lunch.
  • Yes, I’ve done 4 loads of laundry. {still behind}
  • Yes, I cleaned up LOTS of clutter so my wonderful housekeeper could actually clean this morning.
  • Yes, I changed my bed sheets.

Sorry for my pity party,

Filed Under: Other Emotions

Hurdles Through Life

April 25, 2011 By 9 Comments

I have been pondering many subjects lately. Some are weighing especially heavy on my mind.

In the last couple of weeks I have heard from different sources {people} what others think about me. I have mixed feelings about what I have heard. Fortunately, the statements are not hateful, cruel or mean in any way. {There might be negative comments made about me, even though it kills me to think so, just as long as I don’t hear them} This is what I heard:

“She has it made. Her life is perfect. She doesn’t have any problems.”

The “recovering” perfectionist, which is a constant endeavor, part of me was feeling catered to.  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s not just the perfectionist side of me that wants others to think I am perfect or without trials to contend with.  Maybe it is humanity?  Maybe it’s being American?  Don’t we all want to appear as though we have it together?  Isn’t that why so many in our society end up in debt?

The problem I am finding with the above statement is 1.) It’s not true.  No one in this life is immune from trials and tribulations.  I discussed the above statement with my family and you should have heard their feedback.  I’m glad I didn’t take offense to how strongly they disagreed and said those people didn’t know me very well. { it’s true}  It is just because of the hurdles I have knocked down that have made me who I am today. {far from perfect still}  2.) I don’t want other people to think I am perfect.  I can’t believe I said that.  But it’s true.  I believe my main purpose in this life is to help others.  How can I help others if I intimidate them, if they think I am “untouchable.”  I have worked diligently throughout my life to better myself and overcome weaknesses.  In some cases I have been successful at combating uncomely habits.  In other cases, I still struggle and probably will my whole entire life.  Just because I write on this blog about family bringing joy does not mean my family is perfect as well.  I will never claim to be an expert in the field on family matters.  I share what works in our family and what I hope might be helpful in other families.  Studies show when you teach others what you have learned, it reinforces that knowledge into your brain. {Sorry don’t have time to look up sources for this, however I have been taught this in college and many other places}  Plus, again, it goes back to me wanting to help and inspire others.

Let me give you an example of a current hurdle.  Right now I am struggling a great deal with one of my children.  I don’t want to pinpoint exactly which one.  This child displays many behaviors of that of an Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  Both my husband & I hoped this behavior was just a phase and would discontinue.  After 4 years now, we know it is not a phase.  I finally called and scheduled an appointment with a therapist for this child.  I am so tired of the constant arguing.  The negativity and anger that exudes from the child is emotionally draining and causes much contention in our home.  As a Mother, it is difficult to not feel that I am responsible for this outcome.  I have prayed countless days and nights for this to be resolved.  I worry if we don’t get help that it will affect the rest of their life. {Prayers are greatly accepted :)}  I feel a sense of hope now that I have scheduled the appointment.

One more…I suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder.  This is not the outwardly hyperactive form of ADD, it is inattentiveness in my mind.  I didn’t realize I had this until after having my second child.  It became increasingly difficult for me to function and juggle my responsibilities as a Mom.  I was diagnosed with depression earlier in life so I thought I was just dealing with those symptoms.  Gratefully, through the help of a friend and my psychiatrist {yes, I have one} we uncovered this diagnosis.  I am not ashamed to admit I have this disorder in any way someone might admit they have diabetes, etc.  As a matter of fact, it helped me to understand why I behave the way I do and how I can cope.  So through the help of God, therapists, family support, church support, books and medicine I have persevered and will continue to persevere.  I don’t want to use my ADD as an excuse to get away with things.  And I don’t want to make this post about ADD.  I will save writing more about how I endure this hardship another day.  I just want to share some of my imperfectness with you.  Honestly, with both of these disorders, it makes it quite difficult to be “normal,” let alone, perfect.

I’m not sure exactly how I am wanting to wrap this up. {but I need to so I can go run, even though I really don’t want to, ugh…rainy & overcast outside}  Have I explained in an understandable fashion why I have mixed feelings about someone saying they feel I am perfect?  In a way, I am extremely flattered, but in another way it concerns me.  I believe it might be even more difficult as a reader of this blog to see the ‘full me’ because I don’t want to be discouraging with my posts.  I want Family Brings Joy to be a place people come to be ENCOURAGED and INSPIRED.  However, if I come across as being “Betty Crocker” or “June Cleaver” then I feel I am doing my readers a disservice.  I believe in being honest and having integrity.  These are values I strive to live by and teach my family.  If I misrepresent myself, then I am not being true to what I believe.  Please know that I have flaws, struggles, weaknesses just as you and everyone else in this world.  My closest friends and family are well aware of this.  I’m sure they would be happy to share many stories on the matter. {Please don’t air all my ‘dirty laundry’ to the public, loved ones ;)}  All the same, my greatest desire is that in this life I leave a legacy of hope, faith and love.

Endure and be grateful for the ride,

Filed Under: Other Emotions, Values Bring Joy

Treasure-Trove Thursday {Etiquette}

April 14, 2011 By 6 Comments

I have noticed many writings in every venue on the subject of etiquette.  I know the reason why…because there is an extreme LACK of it.

Not too long ago, my youngest came home from school giving me a ‘run down’ on a friend’s birthday party.  I told her it sounded like fun and asked her what day the party would be held.  She preceded to tell me it would be held later that day.  I blurted out quickly how that was not a lot of notice, but we should go get a gift.  “I was not invited,” she replies.  Fortunately she did not seem very sad.  However, I was.  Sad because etiquette was not involved.

I was taught from a very early age by my parents and Girl Scout Leaders that you should not talk about a party to people who are not invited to the party.  It made sense.  It only takes one case of this happening to you to understand why.  It hurts to be left out.  As humans we have an innate desire to belong.  We don’t want to feel left out.  Therefore, if you don’t know about it, then you won’t feel left out.  It is also important to note, it is not proper etiquette to talk about a party around those who did not attend.  I can not stand when I am in a conversation with several people and they proceed to say,  “remember when we did___________? {insert activity}  That was so funny when _______ did ________.” {laughter etc.}  Next thing you know it is like I’m not there.  I might as well be invisible listening to them talk about all this fun they had together.  To me, this is incredibly rude.

I believe another major etiquette faux pas being under taught is the subject of talking on cell phone or texting at inappropriate times.  This also stems from earlier etiquette training as well.  I was taught it is not proper to talk on the phone to another friend in the presence of another friend or guest.  For example, if I had a friend over to spend the night, I wouldn’t pick up the phone {back then phones had cords and were hooked to the wall} and call another friend.  I think of it this way, if I were at a friends house, I wouldn’t want them to spend time talking to another friend while I was there.  As a matter of fact, many times I gauge doing things to others on how I would feel if someone did that to me.  {This includes gossip.}  So here we are in modern day times where everyone has a cell phone with them.  Fortunately, many people of my generation will continue to respect not texting or “shooting the breeze” with someone while speaking with me.  I really appreciate that.  If I’m engaging in a conversation with someone and my phone rings {either signaling a text message or actual phone call}, I will politely look to see who it is and silence it.  I make a mental note to call or text them back when I am alone.  However, children who have cell phones don’t seem to understand this form of etiquette.  I’m not sure if they are being taught phone manners and they are refusing to follow them or if they have not been taught at all.  Honestly, I have a feeling it is the latter.  The majority of my 7 year old’s friends received a cell phone as a Christmas gift this year.  This has wreaked havoc in our family.  My daughter is insisting on her having one as well.  I’m getting side tracked, though.  This is a whole different story and post.  I can’t tell you how many times we have invited a friend of my daughter to go somewhere with us or spend the night and the friend is on her phone talking to another girl.  To be quite honest, this is infuriating to me.  It is, again, saying to the person you are currently with that they don’t matter.  Ouch!  That hurts!

Personally, I treasure etiquette.  We teach it in our home and in our family.  I wish many others did as well.

There are many other forms of etiquette or manners I see being ignored in this modern day society.  Is there one that comes to mind as you read this post?  What other forms of etiquette do you feel need to be re-taught or learned today?  How do you feel about these social rules of conduct I have mentioned?  Am I being extra sensitive?  Do you teach good manners at your home?  I am interested in hearing your thoughts on this subject.

“Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.”

Clarence Thomas, US Administrator & Lawyer

 

May the code live on,

Filed Under: Other Emotions, Values Bring Joy

Treasure-Trove Thursday

March 24, 2011 By 7 Comments

Me, Sara & her daughter

My treasure today is friends. I have been thinking a lot lately about friendships. A week ago today my closest friend, Sara, {where I live} moved away. {not too far away, about a couple of hours} I have known for several months her moving day would come. I tried not to think about it too much because it would always provoke tears. It still does.

Family is important. However, a life without friends is unbalanced. At least for me, it is. While growing up I recall fond memories spending time with my parents’ friends & their families. My parents taught me the value of friendship. {Thank you Mom & Dad} Thinking back, I believe part of the reason for this was because we didn’t have grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins that lived in our city or close. So it was helpful to have friends for support and fellowship. We would get together to celebrate holidays, go camping together, worshiped together etc.

Unfortunately, our (me & my husband) extended family members (on both sides) don’t live in the same town either.  Therefore, we rely on support from our friends and church congregation/family.  My favorite part of having friends is just spending time and having fun together.  Too much work, not enough play and adult conversation makes for a dull life.

I completely treasure and cherish every single friend I have made throughout my life.  Some of my most favorite movies and songs are about beautiful connections between friends.  The first couple of movies that come to mind are Beaches and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Awesome Friend Songs:

  • Friends by Elton John
  • Friends by Michael W. Smith
  • I Will Remember You by Amy Grant
  • With A Little Help From My Friends by The Beatles
  • Never Let Me Down Again by Depeche Mode
  • Each Life That Touches Ours For Good – Hymn
  • That’s What Friends Are For by Gladys Knight & Stevie Wonder Dionne Warwick with Elton John
  • Hello Again by Neil Diamond

Saturday, I invited a Woman and her 3 girls from Church who recently moved here over to our house.  Her girls and my youngest played while she & I sat and talked.  I look forward to getting to know her better. {Hi, Michele}  Monday, I met another woman at the running track.  She is somewhat new to our community and we hit it off right away.  As a matter of fact, she invited me to her book club for tonight. {Hi, Monica}  But as I write these words a particular Girl Scout song comes to mind.

“Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.”

I know I will see Sara again, this is true.  But it won’t be the same as having her close by.  I remember not long after we met she dropped off a bag with Extra Cheesy Gold Fish and Reese’s Butter Cups for me.  I had mentioned on the phone earlier that I was not having a good day.  Her note said something along the lines of hoping to “brighten my day.”  She most certainly did.  We were such new friends, I think she even asked my husband what my favorite treats were {to know what to buy.}  I remember when she came over to help me pack when we moved {after our house was built.}  She was a wonderful listener {of my rantings and ravings} while we built our home and even helped me glaze my kitchen cabinet doors.  Sara was there to help me with my Son’s birthday party.  I could go on and on, but I won’t.

The other reason this topic has been on my mind is because my oldest daughter has been struggling with a friendship. {Hopefully she won’t kill me when she finds out I wrote about this, please don’t be mad, K}  She has a wonderful best friend.  At the beginning of the school year they befriended a girl who had been ostracized by her former friends for one reason or another.  They became the three musketeers.  {That’s what they called themselves.}  However, just recently, this new friend of theirs was welcomed back into her former friends.  That wouldn’t necessarily be a problem, but now she no longer wants to be friends with my daughter and her best friend.  I don’t really understand everything.  All I know is how sad my daughter has been to lose this friend.  It breaks my heart for her.  When I think back to my High School years…when I think about my good friends I had in High School…I wonder what happened to our friendship?  Why didn’t we stay in touch?  All I remember are the good times we had together.  This tells me that for whatever the reason was, if I don’t remember the reason, then it must have not been very important.

I planned on adding a photo montage of friends I have made throughout my life.  I have been extra busy today and haven’t had time to peruse through my photos before going to the book club.  I still plan on doing this though.  I will add the collage as soon as it is done to this post.  So check back later tonight or tomorrow and see if maybe you are in it. 😉

Thank you to all my friends for loving me just the way I am, weaknesses and all.  Your life has touched mine for good and I treasure you.

Friends are Friends Forever,

Filed Under: Friends Bring Joy, Me Time Brings Joy, Music Brings Joy, Other Emotions, Values Bring Joy

Perspective, Planning and Preparation

March 22, 2011 By 8 Comments

before we began

A change in your perspective can make a HUGE difference in your family. At the beginning of last week I told you about our decision to stay home for Spring Break.

In the recent past {say the last 3-4 years} I would have looked at this as torture. My kids don’t get along very well.  There it is.  I am admitting it.  I am being vulnerable by sharing how my family is indeed NOT perfect.  All three kids are in completely different stages in their life.  Honestly, for a while I had sort of given up on my dream of having a joyous family.  It seemed every time I would think things were going to be great, they wouldn’t.  Instead, we would have kids bickering and quarreling.  So, subconsciously I decided, what’s the point?  What’s the point in trying if it’s going to be a disaster?  I didn’t truly realize I had been thinking this until reevaluating last weeks Spring Break.

LOTS of soil

Last week was one of the most enjoyable Spring Breaks with my children.  It hasn’t been perfect, by any means.  Sure there was the usual, “Mom, he did this and she did that.”  There was still the whining and back talk…but not as much.  So I asked myself, why do you feel this way?  What is different?  I am here to tell you, it had everything to do with the three P’s: perspective, planning and preparation.

 

Perspective

My perspective about Spring Break was completely different than my deadbeat counter part.  I made the decision to make the best of this week for my kids.  Let’s rewind a bit.  I think my change of outlook or “awakening” began the week my children were home from school for snow days.  During that time, I consciously decided I was going to make the most of the time my children & I had to spend together.  I didn’t worry so much about chores.  I thought of things we could do together and we did them.

Planning

This leads me to the planning part.  This is as simple as thinking about ideas of what we could do.  During snow week I thought of us building a snowman together.  I thought it would be fun if the girls and I played spa and did each others nails.  I thought about certain crafts we could do together, etc.  It’s basically a brainstorming session of what I thought I would enjoy doing as well as something they would enjoy too.  This is exactly what I did for Spring Break.  I knew the kids have been wanting to do a vegetable garden for a long time.  Why not now?

Work, work, work

Preparation

In regards to the garden, I did a little research online about a family vegetable garden.  Each child chose some vegetables or fruits they wanted.  We decided together how it should be mapped out and I printed out our plans & supplies.  Monday we went shopping and bought the majority of our supplies.  Tuesday we put together the cedar boards for our above ground garden.  {We ended up making it bigger than we had planned.}  Next, we filled the bed with top soil, compost, planting soil and fertilizer.  Wednesday we took a break from the garden.  Thursday we set up a soaker hose & planted the seeds that could be planted in the ground {cucumbers, peas & peppers}.  We found out many needed to be started indoors or could not be planted until next month.  Preparation was KEY, not just in preparing of supplies and physically, but also mentally.  I mentally prepared myself for this task with my children. {Not to mention MANY prayers being offered}

Without changing my perspective, without planning and preparation, this week would have been a disaster.  Instead, it was filled with special times.  Special times filled with my youngest saying, “this is so much fun, Mom.”  Special times filled with good conversation, meals and love.

I am reminded, again, that joy doesn’t just happen.  You have to cultivate it with the 3 P’s.

our new vegetable garden {without the fence}

 

{I joined the pity party at Thirty Handmade Days}
Peas are good for you too,

Filed Under: Home Brings Joy, MY Family Brings Joy, Other Emotions, Photography Brings Joy, Values Bring Joy

You Reap What You Sow

March 14, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Today marks the first official day of Spring Break for my kids.

While many families are vacationing this week, we will be home planting a vegetable & fruit garden.  Last year we were blessed with many vacations.  Unfortunately, our children showed little gratitude and their behavior was less than desirable.  You didn’t think my children were perfect did you?

Planting a garden sounds boring.  However, it will be challenging to figure out how to do this on our sloped yard with grazing deer visitors.  I think I have already gotten myself in a conundrum.  {I can’t believe I was able to use that word in a sentence.}  The purpose of the garden is:  1.) To have our children do something outside, instead of watch TV all day. 2.) Teach them the value of work. 3.) Teach them about responsibility 4.) Enjoy the fresh produce all summer long.  Wish us luck!  {Good thing we will be planting during St. Patrick’s Day 😉 } I hope to be able to share photos of the garden at the end of the week.

Side note: Since my children will be home this week, I may not have the time to write as much on my blog as I would like. :(  I know total bummer!  I will try, but my family & children will always come first.

Happy Spring Break,

Filed Under: Home Brings Joy, MY Family Brings Joy, Other Emotions, Values Bring Joy