Treasure-Trove Thursday {Etiquette}

I have noticed many writings in every venue on the subject of etiquette.  I know the reason why…because there is an extreme LACK of it.

Not too long ago, my youngest came home from school giving me a ‘run down’ on a friend’s birthday party.  I told her it sounded like fun and asked her what day the party would be held.  She preceded to tell me it would be held later that day.  I blurted out quickly how that was not a lot of notice, but we should go get a gift.  “I was not invited,” she replies.  Fortunately she did not seem very sad.  However, I was.  Sad because etiquette was not involved.

I was taught from a very early age by my parents and Girl Scout Leaders that you should not talk about a party to people who are not invited to the party.  It made sense.  It only takes one case of this happening to you to understand why.  It hurts to be left out.  As humans we have an innate desire to belong.  We don’t want to feel left out.  Therefore, if you don’t know about it, then you won’t feel left out.  It is also important to note, it is not proper etiquette to talk about a party around those who did not attend.  I can not stand when I am in a conversation with several people and they proceed to say,  “remember when we did___________? {insert activity}  That was so funny when _______ did ________.” {laughter etc.}  Next thing you know it is like I’m not there.  I might as well be invisible listening to them talk about all this fun they had together.  To me, this is incredibly rude.

I believe another major etiquette faux pas being under taught is the subject of talking on cell phone or texting at inappropriate times.  This also stems from earlier etiquette training as well.  I was taught it is not proper to talk on the phone to another friend in the presence of another friend or guest.  For example, if I had a friend over to spend the night, I wouldn’t pick up the phone {back then phones had cords and were hooked to the wall} and call another friend.  I think of it this way, if I were at a friends house, I wouldn’t want them to spend time talking to another friend while I was there.  As a matter of fact, many times I gauge doing things to others on how I would feel if someone did that to me.  {This includes gossip.}  So here we are in modern day times where everyone has a cell phone with them.  Fortunately, many people of my generation will continue to respect not texting or “shooting the breeze” with someone while speaking with me.  I really appreciate that.  If I’m engaging in a conversation with someone and my phone rings {either signaling a text message or actual phone call}, I will politely look to see who it is and silence it.  I make a mental note to call or text them back when I am alone.  However, children who have cell phones don’t seem to understand this form of etiquette.  I’m not sure if they are being taught phone manners and they are refusing to follow them or if they have not been taught at all.  Honestly, I have a feeling it is the latter.  The majority of my 7 year old’s friends received a cell phone as a Christmas gift this year.  This has wreaked havoc in our family.  My daughter is insisting on her having one as well.  I’m getting side tracked, though.  This is a whole different story and post.  I can’t tell you how many times we have invited a friend of my daughter to go somewhere with us or spend the night and the friend is on her phone talking to another girl.  To be quite honest, this is infuriating to me.  It is, again, saying to the person you are currently with that they don’t matter.  Ouch!  That hurts!

Personally, I treasure etiquette.  We teach it in our home and in our family.  I wish many others did as well.

There are many other forms of etiquette or manners I see being ignored in this modern day society.  Is there one that comes to mind as you read this post?  What other forms of etiquette do you feel need to be re-taught or learned today?  How do you feel about these social rules of conduct I have mentioned?  Am I being extra sensitive?  Do you teach good manners at your home?  I am interested in hearing your thoughts on this subject.

“Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.”

Clarence Thomas, US Administrator & Lawyer

 

May the code live on,

Comments

  1. Shannon, I completely agree with what you’ve talked about here. As far as phone etiquette is concerned quite often there is NONE. Very few actually have the courtesy to continue engagement after receiving a text, call or FB notification. And the younger generations are not the only ones who’ve adapted these etiquette faux pas. Adults have become even more involved in these types of behaviors as well and it’s becoming more and more common every passing day. However, I’m not sure who is to “blame” here? I believe weather or not a person has been taught proper phone etiquette or not the technological “On-Demand” epidemic has allowed our society to lose touch with what is important or valued in face-to-face engagement. I watch people everyday completely cut-off their friends, family and lovers only to reply to a text or answer a call which usually isn’t that important, just seemingly more important to them at the time. Unfortunately this is becoming more and more accepted in our society. How ever you look at it I think what is more important is how we react to these episodes of etiquette fuax pas. People have been conditioned to this type of behavior which in turn has made us as a society begin to, as I sated earlier, accept this lack of etiquette. Modeling proper etiquette is probably the best form of influence, not only to our children, friends and family members but to the general public. That said, no one should expect our proper modeling to rub-off on everyone, but this is what I see being the most effective way of teaching others besides confronting people with the same rudeness they perform to us. And of course, my favorite is using a little bit of humor to reframe their rudeness without them knowing. This can do two things for the situation: 1) Allow you, the receiver, to reframe your anger or frustration into laughter. 2) Allow the other person, using improper etiquette, to be confronted in a less threatening manner while learning something.
    Ricky Staats recently posted..Did you see what I Texted you

    • If I would have known it took me writing about this topic to have you comment, I would have written about it a long time ago…lol 😉 You are right, Ricky, we need to be a good example and model the correct behavior. Parents can begin now while their children are young explaining and teaching the basics of good etiquette. That was the main point of my post. I really wasn’t trying to put blame on anyone. However, honestly, if they were taught etiquette and choose not to follow it, well then, they are to blame. You make some great points here, Ricky. It is sad {and completely RUDE} to hear stories of people cutting off conversations with people face to face just to check a facebook status, tweet or text, etc.

  2. Right on, you two!!!! Love, Mom

  3. Hi Shan! Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a sweet comment! I found mine at Michaels, I have to tell you though that every time I go in there, they are always low or out of stock! Frustrating! I have never tried the green one, but I am thinking I could try the green one for like Halloween, when the ribbons will be much darker, but that is still sometime away 😉 They recently opened a Hobby Lobby here in my city and they are usually always stocked with the white foam wreaths! Hope this help you out!

    Have a great weekend and stop by again soon!

    Michelle 😉

    • Michelle, I can’t wait to make my wreath…as soon as I find a white foam wreath. I don’t live close to a Michaels or a Hobby Lobby. I might check around online to find one, though. The green one will be perfect for St. Patrick’s Day, Halloween or Christmas for sure! You are kind to stop by. I will definitely be visiting your blog again. Glad to find you. 🙂

Trackbacks

  1. […] I have written previously about practicing etiquette in real life.  You can read that post by clicking here. […]

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