Being a Teen’s Mom is a Thankless Job

Hello my friends. How have you been? I hope life has been treating you well. If not, I hope you are enduring your trials well. A lot of times, that’s the tough part.

Life has been interesting for me. I know I mentioned in a previous post last year about me going off my ADD medicine. This has made life quite challenging. As a matter of fact, turns out quitting cold turkey is not the best way to do it. I gained weight which put me into a depression…I don’t usually need help in that department. It happens naturally. So, since last May I have found it challenging just to do every day tasks. It sucks. Thus me not blogging as much. Or doing much of anything extracurricular. I began a different medication in December that is not a stimulant. It helps to some extent, but it’s still not the same. I exercise, including running my 5th half marathon ever on New Years Day. I honestly can’t imagine how I would be doing without exercise.

I haven’t mentioned on here about my oldest Daughter serving a full time mission for our church. She’s been gone a year now. I have missed her greatly despite how proud and happy I am for her choice to serve. With her gone I am here in the home with my 2 youngest kids. My middle child, my Son, is finishing up his Junior year in high school, while my youngest Daughter is finishing her seventh grade year.  Life is certainly demanding with teenagers in the home. Not only that, the world revolves around them, their rooms are constantly a nightmare. It’s definitely a thankless job being a full time family manager. To be quite blunt, I’m tired of it.

I got in a lot of trouble last night with my Son. I was getting ready for bed and next thing I know I see the angry face emoticon on my phone screen from him. I go into the living room, where he is, and ask him why he sent that. Come to find out, his friend, who is a girl, began sending him photos of him she found on my Instagram feed. “Why did you follow her? I can’t believe you did that!” he says in a loud voice.  First of all, I hardly have very many photos of him period. He doesn’t like for me to take his picture. Yet, as a mom, I don’t want him to look back at my photos and see only photos of his sisters and think I didn’t love him.  Anyway, so he began to critique his younger self and say how awful he looked and he can’t believe I haven’t deleted those photos. Oh my goodness, I can’t win for losing. For real! I mentioned one day to my son about something he wrote on his twitter account and now he has blocked me.

I pretty much do everything wrong according to my teenagers and to them I know absolutely nothing. It’s a little difficult being surrounded by people like this all the time. I have set aside half my life to raise my children, to be there for them. And now, they don’t want to have anything to do with me. It’s a little heart wrenching to say the least.

I’m at a crossroads in my life. I’m about to start a new season. I’ve decided to go back to college. It’s time to upgrade my associates degree to a bachelors degree. I need and want to be around like minded people. It’s time to have a career outside the home. I’ve been blessed to not have to work while my kids were young (although I’ve doubted that on many days.) I remember my own childhood and would have liked to have had my mom or dad around more. Yet, they did what they had to do to raise our family. But because of that, and because my husband’s salary provided enough for me to stay home, I chose to do that. I have always had the best interest of my kids in mind. Doesn’t every parent want more for their children than what they had?

I’ve been juggling in my mind what I would like to do. I know I want a trade or a career. The majority of the jobs I’ve held over my lifetime have been in sales of some kind. I’m tired of that. I want to do something creative. I got online and decided to do this career assessment to see what insight it might provide. My youngest saw me doing the assessment and asked why I was doing it. Once I told her I was going to go back to college and start a career outside the home, she flipped out. My 12 year old who is a full on teenager already was really upset. She thinks this means I will no longer be her mom. Oh my goodness…sigh…again I can’t win for losing.

We shall see what will happen. I’ll keep you posted.

Until next time,

I’ts My Birthday & I’ll Cry If I Want To

I’ve been on this earth now for 45 years.  It’s surreal.  I’m kind of having a hard time with that today.

It’s not really because I’m closer to 50 than 40.  It’s not the age thing.  It’s the lack of celebrating thing.  I like Birthdays.  I like to make birthdays special for the people around me, because it’s not supposed to be just an ordinary day.  It’s the day you came into this world.

When I was a kid, my parents held birthday parties for me.  I got a special cake, invited my friends, opened gifts.  As I got older, we would always at least have a family party of some kind, even if it was going out to eat at a restaurant.

As an adult, my birthdays, a lot of times, are just like any other normal day…especially if they are on a week day like today.  This morning my Son remembered and said Happy Birthday first thing when he saw me.  That was pretty special, as he didn’t really say Happy Mother’s Day on Mother’s Day.  I’ll cut him some slack since he just had broken his arm and wasn’t feeling well.  My youngest Daughter did her normal, I’m not a morning person yelling at me this morning before school.  She was actually a little stinker.  Right as she got out of the car for school she says, “Oh and happy birthday,” with a snarky tone to her voice.  Lovely.

No balloons or banners for Shannon. Nope.  Hubby was on call last night and not home.

For some reason there is tradition that we don’t open gifts until dinner time.  Well, I might have to break tradition today and go ahead and open the gift my mom sent, alone. Me. Party of one.

I guess I’ve learned I haven’t made good enough friends here to invite me to go have lunch for my birthday.  That stings.  I could have asked someone, but things have been a little crazy in our life.  I will have to explain about that later.

So I sit at the computer soaking up every one of the birthday wishes I have received on Facebook.  Thank goodness for Facebook on Birthdays.  It’s really the only way people would know my birthday.

A few years ago one of my friends surprised me with a huge banner in the front of our yard that her kids & she made.  That was super awesome! (Thanks again for that K!)

1919365_1248819140266_2035236_nOne year I thought to myself, “I’m going to throw myself a birthday party.”  And I did.  I was turning 36.  We were about to move from Tyler, TX to OK. It was kind of a goodbye/birthday party.  I decided to make it an 80’s themed party.  It was a total blast!  One of the best birthday parties I’ve ever thrown.  This morning on my walk around the neighborhood I decided when I turn 50, in 5 years I’m going to throw myself another birthday party.  It’s going to be big and hopefully make up for all the lonely & uncelebrated birthdays in between my 36th birthday party and my 50th birthday party.

I’m going to tell you a secret…I’ve always hoped someone would throw me a surprise party. To me, the surprise party is the ultimate in knowing you have friends and they care about you.  I’ve given up hope that is going to happen.

I ran into one friend while I was out walking this morning and a different friend called me. Neither one of them wished me a happy birthday.  Guess they haven’t been on Facebook.

It feels like I’m not special enough to celebrate.

This whole post feels awful.  I’m just being a sulking, selfish, crabby pants.  But this is how I feel.  And this is my blog…and I can whine if I want to. Guess I’m hoping it will make me feel better to get it out, but as I read back over it, I feel like someone will judge me and think bad of me.  I don’t think too many people read my blog anymore so it won’t matter.

Connecting with people is important.  Celebrating people is important.  Why do birthdays have to be this way for adults?  I’ve heard people say most of my life, “birthdays aren’t fun anymore when you’re an adult.”   I’ve also heard, “Birthdays are for children.”  But why is that?  Why can’t we celebrate we’ve lived as long as we have?  Why wish any adult a Happy Birthday, then, if it’s supposed to suck?

And one more thing.  Have your kids make an effort for your spouses birthday.  I remember my Dad taking us to the store and having us pick out a gift and card for my Mom for her birthday.  It truly isn’t the actual gift that matters, it’s the thought behind it…seriously, I’m not trying to be cliche. The act of DOING something for someone you care about.  It’s a way to show you care about that person and think they are special.

Therapeutic Ramblings

I’m here.

I’ve come to the conclusion I may not have any more faithful readers.  I’ve been neglectful in my blog writing.  Mainly because life has been very full these days.  Full probably is an understatement.  It’s been busting at the seams and I can’t seem to catch up.  I’m not complaining, except that I miss writing/journaling.  I’ve pondered over how this blog began.  It was simply me writing about my life, my family and my interests.  I still do that…yet I feel like I can’t post something unless I have photos to accompany my post.  Pouring through photos, editing photos and then adding them to a post is the most time consuming [for me] with blogging.  I love photography.  I’m a visual person, so it seems nonsensical to NOT have photos.  Don’t get me wrong, the writing part does and can take up time.  Depending on the subject, sometimes it can take literally all day just to write one post.  I truly hate when that happens; because then I am too tired to go through the process of adding the photos.  Then I get upset with myself.  It begins a cycle of frustration.  I know why this happens.  My ADD brain causes this.  Even though I know why it happens, it doesn’t change how it makes me feel.

Over the last few months I’ve noticed a trend with some of my other blogger friends.  I’m not the only one who has neglected their blog writing.  As a matter of fact, I’ve noticed some have focused mainly on Instagram rather than blog.  I completely understand this.  It is way less time consuming to post photos on Instagram and add your thoughts than keep up a blog.

In my personal reflection of my blogging, I kind of feel like I need to chastise myself to some extent.  My blog was for me to share my thoughts and feelings.  It is mine.  I don’t need to do it a certain way.  I don’t blog primarily for monetary gain (although it would be nice) so I don’t need to follow certain rules to gain followers etc.  I have always and will always only want readers by way of organic means. {meaning I don’t pay to advertise my blog or any of my social media to gain readers}  However, for some reason, I entered the mindset that I needed to write about certain things in a certain way and order.  I don’t like that.  I don’t like my creativity, my flow of thoughts to be stifled.

I can’t remember the last time I looked at Google Analytics to see how many readers I have or what post was being read the most.  I think doing that also stifled my creativity.  I don’t want to feel as though I am in competition with anyone.  I just want to be me and if people want to read what I have to say, they are welcome.  It’s okay to have a post without photos.  It’s okay to just write.  I’m really trying to talk myself into this mindset…mainly the photo part. {I don’t think I’m a great writer too…please don’t check my grammar}

Last but not least, I think my other issue has been the name of my blog.  I worry people see the name of my blog and think I have a perfect family.  Or I worry they think I’m an expert at creating a joyful family.  Unfortunately, this is definitely NOT true.  About a year & a half ago our family almost dissolved.  My marriage was falling apart.  I had filed for divorce.  Without divulging details, it didn’t happen.  We are working on us.  It’s difficult, yet we are managing.  Life is rough.  Families and marriages are made up of individuals.  We don’t have control over those individuals.  We can influence and teach, but we don’t have control.  Anyway, during that tumultuous time in my life, several people asked me if I was going to change the name of my blog.  It really caught me off guard.  Why would I need to change the name of my blog?  I still believe family brings joy.  My own parents divorced, yet I still love my family…I have more family to love.

When I redesigned my blog several years back, I added and sometimes other emotions as a subtitle hoping to clarify, that just because you have a family, doesn’t mean you will live in a constant state of joy.  We all know that is not the case.  People/individuals in families can cause heartbreak, frustration and every other form of emotion possible.  Even so, I still believe the family is the basic unit of society.  I believe it is better for each individual of a family to stay in tact. {as long as there is not abuse being inflicted in any way}  I’m not going to site a study on family or give quotes.  This is my personal belief from my own experience in this life.  I also know that if a spouse dies it doesn’t mean the family is dissolved.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that I didn’t have any intention of changing the name of my blog when I thought I was going to be divorced.  Nevertheless, now I am reevaluating.  Should I change the name?  Is it misleading?

It would be a lot of work to change the name.  In the blogging world they call the name of your blog your “brand.”  So I have spent many years cultivating my brand.  What if a reader wanted to see what I was up to and they couldn’t find me anymore?  I really don’t want to change the name.  I also don’t want my integrity to be in question.  Yes, this is my blog.  If you have not met me in real life, then my blog is a reflection of who I am as a person.  It is my sincere desire for people to know I am authentic.  I am a highly sensitive person which makes me very conscientious of others feelings.  When I leave this life I want to leave a legacy my family will want to continue…one of integrity and love of all mankind, but most of all my love of family.  It is most precious.  And with constant nourishment it can survive into the eternities.

So whether anyone has read this post or not, the writing of it was beneficial to me.  And from here on out I pledge to write more regularly for me with or without pictures.  With that being said, I absolutely and positively love having readers…especially interacting with them.  You are welcome to come along on this journey.  All insights and comments are welcome…although I reserve the right to delete any contentious ones, as I would rather keep things on a positive and uplifting basis.  Life is rough enough as it is.  I don’t need anyone bringing me down…my own nature does that enough as it is.

Now I’m going to go take a walk/run.  I wish you a good day.

Writing brings joy,

How Many Red Flags Does It Take? (The Very Bad Haircut)

I learned recently I have been blessed with good hair stylists for the majority of my 44 years on this earth.  Some may say that is completely debatable upon perusing through pictures of me at various points in my life.  However, I can’t recall having an experience at the salon where I have to hold back tears as the person is cutting my hair…until my last hair cut.  I’ve heard nightmare salon stories over the years, but I just think to myself, “hair grows.”

My many haircuts

FullSizeRender_3Here’s the deal…I have LOTS of hair.  When I say I have thick hair…it is THICK.  It is also coarse in nature, not thin.  This is not a complaint. This is merely a fact and is partly the reason why I like having a short hair cut.  The times in my life when I’ve had long hair…oh my goodness does it take a LONG time to shampoo, condition and DRY.  Not only that, if I want to pull it out of my face, say by using a pony tail, I will have a headache by the end of the day, due to the weight of the hair pulling on my scalp.  In addition, I would usually end up with a little sore on my scalp.  My hair grows super fast, again not complaining.  Since I have a pixie haircut now, I usually have to go to the salon every 4 weeks to have my hair cut and colored.  I’ve earned every one of my grey hairs, but I’m not ready to be entirely grey haired.  I’ll save the “I don’t like growing old” post for another time.

Now that you have a better understanding of how my hair is, let’s proceed to the story at hand.

When I moved to Oklahoma (remote small town) I went to 2 hair stylists in which I came to the conclusion I might need to travel (two hours) to Tulsa for a hair stylist.  It wasn’t uncommon, as many other women there also traveled the distance to have good salon experiences.  After making the two hour drive every 4 weeks, for about 6 months, I was ready to find someone local to do my hair.  Fortunately, I found someone!  I asked a friend of mine to share who cut her hair.  She referred me to the lady I ended up going to for about 5 years.  She was the one of the owners of the salon and extremely talented.  Oh how I miss her!  I did travel to Oklahoma to get my hair done after we moved back to Texas in July for a couple of months. The following is the before and after of when my stylist from Oklahoma cut my hair from a bob to a longer pixie cut.

from bob to long pixie3 familybringsjoy.com

I finally decided I would take the leap and find someone here in North Texas.  I figured, I’m in the big city now, it shouldn’t be so difficult to find someone to cut my hair.  Well, I figured wrong.

The following is a sample of photos I showed the hair stylist of how I liked my hair cut:

Instagram Hair Collage familybringsjoy.com

bad cutIMG_5625My first salon experience back in Texas was an ok experience, but I didn’t like how she cut my hair.  The stylist came highly recommended by several people.  She was super sweet and I enjoyed our conversation.  At the beginning of our appointment I showed her pictures of my hair the way I liked it.  My hair was longer because I had gone 2 months without having it cut.  I also noticed the next day after her coloring it…there was grey still showing.  She was super nice and recolored it for me at no charge.  I just didn’t feel like it was a good fit.  The photo to the left was the one I texted to my husband after the appointment…way too short for my taste.  The black and white photo to the right shows how long it was before she cut it. :(

I promise I’m getting to the real story. I felt the need to share a bit of background first.  Okay, so we ended up spending some money at the Aveda store on products for my oldest daughter’s naturally curly hair.  When we checked out, the Aveda sales representative {because of our sale} gave us certificates for 2 free haircuts to a local Aveda salon.  Now let me tell you something…I used to go to an Aveda salon in my home town (Arlington, TX) when I was in high school.  I had an excellent hair stylist who cut my short hair back then.  I was so excited to think I could find someone at an Aveda salon again!

RED FLAGS:

  1. When I called to schedule me & my daughter’s appointments they were able to book us for the very next day.
  2. The hair stylist called me the morning of our appointment to say they were out of electricity. (Not the salon’s fault. Workers for another business in their complex cut the wires.)
  3. The hair stylist did not look professional. She was wearing worn out jeans, a t-shirt and boots. Nor did she wear makeup or do her hair. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail.
  4. She looked extremely young.
  5. She asks me, “Do you know what color your stylist used on your hair?”
  6. She asks me, “So how much length do you want taken off here and here and here?”  (after I show her pictures of how I like my hair)
  7. She didn’t set a timer after she put the color on my hair.
  8. It took her an hour to cut my hair.  We were in the salon for a total of FOUR hours! It usually only takes about an hour and a half to color and cut my hair.
  9. “What kind of styling product do you use in your hair?” she asks.
  10. It was free.

too good to be true
Red flag number one: I should have realized right off the bat, it’s not a good sign if you can get an appointment for the next day.  Usually, good hair stylists can not get you in right away because they are booked weeks in advance.  My daughter and I were in desperate mode so we thought we were lucky she could squeeze us in.  Can’t blame us for trying to be optimistic.

Red flag number two: The fact the electricity was out should have been another sign…warning!  It’s not their fault at all, but walking into a salon which is dark with extension cords running through out, hooked up to a generator does not make for the best salon experience.  Fortunately, the electricity was restored while she was applying my color.

Red flag number three: If someone is going to do my hair, which has to do with my outward appearance, I kind of would like to see they care about their own appearance.  She looked as though she just got out of bed, pulled up her hair in a messy pony tail, threw on the first thing she could find, and went to work.

Red flag number four: Looking young is not bad at all.  However, it told me she may not have very much experience with doing hair.  I found out she had been a hair stylist for 5 years…but for some reason I don’t know if that was the truth.

Red flag number five: If I am paying someone to color my hair (which I did actually pay for the coloring service,) I would expect them to know how to match my hair color.  It was lucky I did know what color my previous stylist had been using.

Red flag number six: Again, if I am paying someone to cut my hair (lucky enough I did not have to pay for this particular haircut,) then I expect them to know how much length they should take off.  She also asked me what kind of scissors they used…seriously?!  I have no idea!  If I knew how to cut my hair, I would do it myself.

Red flag number seven: While the stylist was coloring my hair, she cut my Daughter’s hair.  Fortunately, my Daughter liked her hair cut (she has long hair.)  However, she spent about an hour cutting her hair and I was beginning to wonder if I would have any hair after leaving the color on for so long.  I asked her about it and she said, “I’m watching it.”  Hmmmm…that doesn’t make me feel any better.

Red flag number eight: I know because of my thick hair, my unique cowlick at the base of my neck, and the pixie short style, it is a little difficult to cut my hair.  This is why I want someone with experience cutting short hair or cutting hair in general.  I’m not sure she has cut very many short hair cuts, but normally someone can cut my hair in about 30 minutes.  It was complete and utter agony watching this girl cut my hair for an hour.  I can’t tell you how many times I just wanted to yell, “STOP CUTTING!” and get up and run out the door.  I didn’t.  I didn’t want to hurt the poor girl.  She was doing the best she could, but inwardly I was crying and holding back the tears.  Four hours was way TOO LONG for the service we had done that day.

Red flag number nine: I expect my hair stylists to know what products they should use on my hair.  I’ve never had a stylist ask me what to use on my hair before, ever.

Last but not least, with red flag number ten, which technically should be number one, I should have known, if it’s free, she must need business…which means she is not very good.  Bless her heart, I feel bad for her.  And I can only write that now because it’s been 3 weeks since she cut my hair.  I was livid after my haircut.  I know everyone has to start somewhere.  Thing is, maybe this occupation is not best suited for her?  I’m grateful I did not have to pay for the haircut which made me go home and cry like a baby.

My Facebook status on November 25, 2014extremely bad hair day facebook status

FullSizeRender_1I would like to mention one other aspect I did not like about this salon in particular…the music.  Music is a very powerful medium.  I’ve been known to walk out of stores that are playing the music too loud.  I also don’t feel you should play only one genre of music in a store except for in the case of a spa.  It is completely acceptable and encouraged to play soft relaxing music in the background at a spa.  This particular salon (and no I will not be sharing names) played the same Christmas CD 3 times before I asked her if they could play something else.  Normally, it might not bug me, but this was the day before Thanksgiving and I don’t really like to listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving.  They replaced the Christmas CD which included 4 songs.  Ok, I don’t care what kind of genre of music it is, even if it’s my favorite 4 songs in the whole wide world, I don’t want to hear them repeated over three hours.  The four songs on this CD were Gospel Worship songs, with one being a live concert version.  Here’s the deal…I’m a Christian.  I really like Christian Contemporary music.  Worship music is different.  I didn’t mind listening to the songs the first time I heard them, because I am a Christian.  However, I am not accustomed to listening to the Worship genre of music, as my church does not play those songs in our worship service.  Putting that aside, what about the clients in the salon who are not Christian?  Wouldn’t that be kind of a problem with them?  When I go to a salon, I feel like not only am I paying for the expertise of the stylist, but I’m also paying for the atmosphere in the salon.  When I go, I want it to be a pleasant and relaxing experience.  I want to feel confident my hair stylist knows what she’s doing and I will leave feeling good about how I look.

hair salon chair familybringsjoy.comI recommend salons and stores play a variety of music (with the exception of heavy metal where they are screaming the lyrics, one of the major reasons I don’t shop at Hot Topic.)  This way everyone will hear a song they might like and enjoy listening to the music.  Volume of the music is important as well.  This particular salon had their music volume up so high we had to raise our voice to speak.  Background music should set the mood and be in the background, not in the fore front.  Being the ADD person I am, if I’m shopping at a store where the music is so loud, I can’t think or focus on finding what I’m shopping for, I want to leave and I do.  The store lost a customer.  I also leave stores playing the same genre of music (especially the ones I don’t listen to as much or care for.)

This experience was sort of traumatic for me…enough for me to write about it.  It has me feeling somewhat hopeless about my hair, which tends to have me feeling a little self conscious.  I want to explain something about me.  I’m the type of person who does her hair & makeup in the morning and then doesn’t look at it in the mirror throughout the day.  I’m not a vain person.  This horrible haircut has me looking at myself in the mirror throughout the day to check and make sure the shorter patches are not sticking up.  I was hoping after it grew out some those pieces would lay down more…nope.

Here are the pieces after 3 weeks of growth without styling product on them to flatten them down. (don’t look at my roots!)

one side with more grey edited

yuck haircut

back of my head

Sometimes even the styling product doesn’t keep them from sticking out.  I guess I’m going to have to say goodbye to my pixie haircut because I can’t keep reliving this horror story over and over.  That makes me sad.  I like my pixie haircut.  Just last night I dreamt I had several wigs I wore. :(

I didn’t realize this post was going to be so long.  I’ll stop ranting now.  I hope this finds everyone enjoying the Christmas season and doing well.

#firstworldprobs,

You Never Know…

you never know what you have until you clean your room familybringsjoy.comI have this little plaque in our playroom.

“You never know what you have…until you clean your room.”

Well, this goes for your whole house too.  After living for 43 years, you tend to collect a lot of stuff.  Yet, when you have a family, it multiplies.  Even though our family has moved 7 times since my husband & I got married (20 years ago,) we STILL have too much stuff.  To be honest, in the past, I didn’t make a big enough effort to purge as much as I should have.  I’m doing things differently this time.  Instead of jumping right into packing and haphazardly giving a few things away here and there, I have been primarily focusing on PURGING the last few months.

Here’s the deal, I come from sweet parents who are sentimental and like to hold onto things.  I come by it honest. {That saying might be a southern thang…he he he}  Personally, I really think there is a genetic disposition when it comes to this.  It’s been interesting, because my husband likes to throw things away.  He would rather throw things of value away than give them away.  I can’t do that.  If it has value, if someone else can use it…I would rather give it away.  Otherwise, I feel it’s like taking dollar bills and throwing them away.  I definitely see it’s easier to throw things away since it cuts out the sorting step and taking it to the local charity.  However, we initially paid for the items or someone gave them to us (which they paid for) and I can’t throw that money away.

If you’ve been reading here for awhile you know I have ADD.  I like to share the ins and outs of what it’s like to have it.  Mine is the inattentive kind.  Medicine has been miraculous for me.  However, when it comes to having a high stress level, like now, sometimes the medicine doesn’t work as much as I’d like.  I only realized I had ADD about 11 years ago.  So pre-medicine days (32 years) I would get so overwhelmed, there wouldn’t be much purging or sorting.  I was doing  good to just have everything packed for moving day.  To take a box and sort through it is almost like torture.  The act of making so many decisions is so mentally taxing on me that it effects me physically.  After going through several boxes I am completely wiped out.  I know my ADD has something to do with this.  My brain works differently than someone without ADD.

Over the years, I’ve been trying to teach my children about letting go of things they don’t need or use anymore.  I seem to have done a good enough job with my two oldest…it’s the youngest who is resistant.  Yet, I have been so pleased with her progress while we’ve been sorting.  I found it’s easier on her to give away things to people she knows and cares for.  It’s funny…she will make a pile for charity and then she will have an even bigger pile for our friends.  Personally, I find it easier to give things of value or emotional significance to my friends as well.  My best friend is also moving {yet she is moving 2 hours North of here, while I will be moving almost 3 hours South. :( } Anyway, there are many toys we’ve kept that my kids no longer play with. {Partly because I’m in denial they aren’t little anymore.}  We’ve had them in the playroom and when little ones come over to our house they know where they are.  I enjoy seeing the kids play with the toys.  Since we are downsizing, we won’t have room to store these toys anymore.  I’m grateful my youngest was able to give those toys to my best friend’s kids (who are much younger than my kids.)  Bestie sends me texts of the kids playing with the toys and it feels so great knowing the items are in a good home.

So, I’m off to go through more boxes.  Most of the boxes now are in the attic.  I’ve pretty much gone through the stuff in the home.  We have a HUGE attic, though and it was completely FULL before we began this process.  I refuse to move it all.  If it’s been in the attic all this time, I haven’t missed it much, right?  Moving is stressful but if it motivates me to purge and simplify…that’s a good thing.  I need to keep telling myself that during this process.

I hope everyone is having a good summer!

Lighten your load,

It’s Time For A Change

Texas editedBig news coming at you today…we are moving back to Texas.

There’s a saying, “You can take the girl out of Texas, but not the Texas out of the girl.”

This is true.  We’ve been living in Oklahoma for 7 years now.  And even though it is only one state north from Texas, it’s just not the same.

Much has happened while we have lived here.  My oldest graduated from high school.  We built our dream home.  We paid off loans and got out of debt.  I’ve made relationships which will last even after we move.  Yet, it’s time for this city girl to move back to the city.  It’s time to be closer to my family in Texas.

While I am ready to move on…I wish I could take my house with us.  Leaving the home we custom built will be the most difficult part of moving for me.  I realize to some it might not make sense.  Some people might see our home and say, “if I had that house, I would never move.”  However, a house is just a house.  It is the people you share it with that matter.  There is a scripture I have been pondering about much lately from Matthew in the New Testament:

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:19-21

treasure scripture familybringsjoy.com

This reminds me to keep my heart on what really matters.

All last week I purged and cleaned preparing for the realtor to come and take photos of the house.  After picking up my youngest from school I realized one of the outdoor throw pillows, which had blown over to our house, belonged to our neighbor across the street.  Their front porch had a chair with a pillow that matched.  I decided to walk it over to them.  After I placed the pillow on the pillow-less chair, I turned around to see our house.  There it was.house taken on may 16 2014 familybringsjoy.com  Of course…I was just across the street.  It looked beautiful and a feeling of sadness washed over me.  I know I was exhausted from all the work I had been doing that day.  It could have been the amount of stress had built up and the emotions just over took me.  I took a picture with my phone and posted it on Instagram.  It’s not that I was wanting to gloat about my house.  It was more about wanting to share the feelings I was experiencing with the sweet friends I have made on the community of Instagram.

I find myself wanting to explain how I feel, but then this ongoing argument plays in the back of my mind.  “You don’t have to explain how you feel.  But, people might not understand.  That’s OK if they don’t understand, they aren’t you.  You don’t have to justify your feelings.”  I guess part of me wanting to explain is a challenge I want to take on.  The other part thinks it might be therapeutic for me.

Being a full time stay at home mom has been challenging for me.  I have creative tendencies which went on the back burner for many years while my kids were young.  As a matter of fact, it’s been the past few years, while my kids have been at school full time, I have realized how much of myself I kind of “put away.”  I thought to be a good mom, I needed to let go of things I loved doing for the sake of the family.  I’m not sure where I got this idea, but it doesn’t matter now.  Anyway, when we built our house, it was like a full time job.  I quickly became an amateur architect and designer.  It took over a year to build our house.  We moved in and then it was a full time job putting things away and decorating.  Over the past 5 years I have truly enjoyed sharing my home here on Family Brings Joy.  I like sharing my DIY projects and seeing them pinned on Pinterest.  I like it when friends tell me they have seen my laundry room or craft room on Pinterest. {Thank you to all those who have pinned!}  So, I guess I feel as though the process of building our house and making it a home, I kind of found myself again.  Plus, it is a HUGE accomplishment.  I don’t want to feel like I’m throwing away this accomplishment or myself.  I know I’m not.  But maybe that is where part of the sadness is coming from?  However, truly most of the sadness is knowing our dream home has not appreciated in value.  Due to the failing economy, we will not regain the amount of money it cost for us to build our home.  This is what really brings me grief.  Your house is supposed to be an investment.  Right?  You shouldn’t have to LOSE money when you sell your home.

Listen up…I know it depends on where you live and what the market is like, but if you are considering building a custom home, you need to be aware of some key points before building.  (And let me throw in here, we built our house with the intention of not moving.  However, you never know what life has in store for you.)

1. The cost your builder quotes to build your floor plan is only an ESTIMATE. (plan to pay more)

2. The builder will not include the concrete for your driveway in your estimate.  This is an extra expense and is not cheap.

3. A custom builder does not include landscaping.  Landscaping, including grass sod and flower beds are an additional cost.

4. Other additional costs for us we had not considered before building were the cost of a septic system and propane tank because we live outside the city limits.

The above points are not including the cost of the land.  And I guarantee adding a pool will not increase the value of your home even though it should!  I think having a pool is a huge selling point.  So however much money it costs to build a pool, plan on throwing that money away.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is much value in having a pool, but that will be a post for another day.

I’ll stop my ranting now.  I just think people should be informed of the cost of building a custom home.  I guarantee the supplies to build a home have increased in cost since we built over 5 years ago.  This means to build our house, just like it is today, will cost substantially more than what we paid to build it, not to mention the stress and time it takes to build.

So, if by chance you have come to my site because you are considering purchasing our home…you are getting an amazing deal!  Go to the tab at the top of this site titled House Tour and take a look around.  The majority of the house has already been photographed.  However, I am going to go into more detail with future posts about unique features of our home.  If you are not looking to purchase our home, that’s okay.  You are welcome to tour the house and receive some great ideas for your own home or a future home.  Be sure and pin what you like on Pinterest for your future reference. 😉

Change can bring joy,