I’m having a hard time.
Being a Mother is such an emotional roller coaster ride.
When our kids are small they need so much of our attention and help. I remember wanting some breathing time. {Happens when all 3 have colic}
I recall my firstborn’s first day of Kindergarten. I wasn’t sad. I was happy for this first in her life. To be honest, I was glad to have only one child at home for a little while. As I walked out of the school I witnessed other Kindergarten Moms teary eyed as they dropped off their kids. I somewhat questioned myself, “Why am I not sad? Am I a bad Mom because I’m not crying?”
I had the same experience when I took my second child to Kindergarten.
It wasn’t until I took my third child to Kindergarten that I felt sad. The tears flowed freely after I dropped her off. It was sad because she is our baby, our last child. {We are not planning on having any more children.} It’s not because she is my favorite. I knew as a Mom, this was the last time I would be dropping off a child to go to Kindergarten. I don’t know if other Mom’s feel this way, but I tend to treasure each and every first with my third child because I know it is the last time I will experience it. Does that make sense?
Back to the present…my first born will be a Senior in High School this year. Instead of being happy for this first in her life, I am a basket case. The thought of her leaving to go to college is overwhelming me with sadness. Her going to college is not the same as her going to Kindergarten. I won’t see her after school and on weekends. The university she wants to attend {& we support} is in another state.
She hasn’t left yet, so why am I upset now? Well, in a way, she has left. She is a typical teenage girl. She spends most of her time in her room. When she is with the family she is on her phone staying connected to her friends via social media.
This is the deal, she used to want to do things with me. Now when I want to tag along, it cramps her style. I know this phase is normal {I hate that word} for teenagers. Molly S. said it well in response to something I wrote on Family Brings Joy’s Facebook page: “It could be a normal phase of needing to separate more in order to create a stronger independent self. Tweens, teens & young adults crave space to be & do away from parental interjection. It could be that simple.”
Many times she lets me know… in so many words… how embarrassing I am to her. She has pushed the limits on our rules more than ever this past year. In return, we are giving consequences more than at any time in her life. I have become the ‘bad guy’ in her eyes. She has become a Daddy’s girl because he is the softie in our parental unit. Seldom do we {my Daughter & I} have long conversations or pleasant ones at that. When I try to make conversation she thinks I am interrogating her. Sigh…
All of this may not be out of the ordinary where parenting teens are concerned; however, to put it bluntly, it sucks! I hate it. It feels horrible. As a Mom’s point of view, I look at how there is very little time left to spend with our girl. I know this year will fly by. If I feel this way with my first child, I can’t bear to think how I will feel with the other 2.
A note to my own parents: please don’t say anything about how familiar this all sounds…I know. 
Writing Therapy,
I have no advice … but I will admit getting a little teary eyed, because I know that this time will come with my daughter (& son) and I’m not looking forward to it. I hope she comes around. I hope that she realizes how lucky she is to have such incredible and supportive parents. I hope, most of all, that even in the midst of her embarrassment that she finds a way to let you know that she’s glad you are there!!!
I remember being in marching band and being so embarrassed of my mom. But, when I got on that field at every competition and football game, I scanned the crowd to see if she was there. If she hadn’t been – I would’ve been crushed. I didn’t let her know how I REALLY felt … I hope your daughter does!!!
Love you, my sweet friend
Stephanie Click recently posted..Use Gift Cards to Help Your Budget
Thank you for making me feel like I am not ALONE in this journey. I had an incident yesterday only with my 13 yr old. She wants to dye her hair and I’m like no way! NO, no, no! I didn’t ever highlight my hair until I was in college, so no! It’s hard, and yes you are right it sucks! But, I have to say that when your daughter goes to college she will lean on your more than you know. I pray she does and I think that’s when that mother daughter friendship really starts growing.
For right now, just keep telling her how much you love her and how proud you are of her and I know those word mean the world them even if they roll their eyes. Keep your chin up! These experiences will help others down the road with number 2
Andrea Schuneman recently posted..My 1st Joss & Main purchase
Yes, it’s normal with teens, esp between moms and daughters. Yes, it sucks. But something better is coming. She will grow apart from you for the next few years, but then, after whe has had sometime to mature, you will become friends. That is a wonderful place to be.
Stay available to listen. Create opportunities for her to talk by being alone with her (driving works great for these) and waiting on her, listening. Say little, but give your full attention. She’ll know you are interested.
Things will get better, but it’s going to take time passing.
gina valley recently posted..WHAT Is The Dog Sniffing Now?!?!
Sending that first child off to college is the hardest, in my opinion. It is the first time the family dynamic changes. There is a hole there where that child filled the house for years. However, it fills when you see their growth and maturity, and the knowledge that they are on their way to being a self reliant adult.
I used to be embarrassed of my mom–she would walk up to random people and talk to them at the grocery store. Who does that???? Well, I do, NOW. I find myself more and more like my mom everyday and it freaks me out because I so don’t want my children to be like me. At least the bad parts of me. I want them to be like Spencer and me together since we are very good at opposite things. He’s patient, I’m not. He’s positive, I’m not. I’m organized, he’s not. I get things done, he doesn’t. I wish my kids had sensors and could pick out the best in each of us and just imitate that. I am best friends with my mom now because I see what she has done for me. I am living the life she has lived and I have no idea how she lived through it. I need her now more than ever and she helps me so much. I know if she could do it then I have to find a way to make it too. This is why I wanted to have a girl sooooooooooooo bad. My boys will grow up and have wives to take care of them. They will NEVER know what I have done for them because they will never live the life of a stay-at-home mother. My little G will know and we will be best friends forever. Things will work out–you will see.