The Up’s & Down’s Of Being A Mom

I’m having a hard time.

Being a Mother is such an emotional roller coaster ride.

When our kids are small they need so much of our attention and help.  I remember wanting some breathing time.  {Happens when all 3 have colic}

I recall my firstborn’s first day of Kindergarten.  I wasn’t sad.  I was happy for this first in her life.  To be honest, I was glad to have only one child at home for a little while.  As I walked out of the school I witnessed other Kindergarten Moms teary eyed as they dropped off their kids.  I somewhat questioned myself, “Why am I not sad? Am I a bad Mom because I’m not crying?”

I had the same experience when I took my second child to Kindergarten.

It wasn’t until I took my third child to Kindergarten that I felt sad.  The tears flowed freely after I dropped her off.  It was sad because she is our baby, our last child.  {We are not planning on having any more children.}  It’s not because she is my favorite.  I knew as a Mom, this was the last time I would be dropping off a child to go to Kindergarten.  I don’t know if other Mom’s feel this way, but I tend to treasure each and every first with my third child because I know it is the last time I will experience it.  Does that make sense?

Back to the present…my first born will be a Senior in High School this year.  Instead of being happy for this first in her life, I am a basket case.  The thought of her leaving to go to college is overwhelming me with sadness.  Her going to college is not the same as her going to Kindergarten.  I won’t see her after school and on weekends.  The university she wants to attend {& we support} is in another state.

She hasn’t left yet, so why am I upset now?  Well, in a way, she has left.  She is a typical teenage girl.  She spends most of her time in her room.  When she is with the family she is on her phone staying connected to her friends via social media.

This is the deal, she used to want to do things with me.  Now when I want to tag along, it cramps her style.  I know this phase is normal {I hate that word} for teenagers.  Molly S. said it well in response to something I wrote on Family Brings Joy’s Facebook page: “It could be a normal phase of needing to separate more in order to create a stronger independent self. Tweens, teens & young adults crave space to be & do away from parental interjection. It could be that simple.”

Many times she lets me know… in so many words… how embarrassing I am to her.  She has pushed the limits on our rules more than ever this past year.  In return, we are giving consequences more than at any time in her life.  I have become the ‘bad guy’ in her eyes.  She has become a Daddy’s girl because he is the softie in our parental unit.  Seldom do we {my Daughter & I} have long conversations or pleasant ones at that.  When I try to make conversation she thinks I am interrogating her.  Sigh…

All of this may not be out of the ordinary where parenting teens are concerned; however, to put it bluntly, it sucks!  I hate it.  It feels horrible.  As a Mom’s point of view, I look at how there is very little time left to spend with our girl.  I know this year will fly by.  If I feel this way with my first child, I can’t bear to think how I will feel with the other 2.

A note to my own parents: please don’t say anything about how familiar this all sounds…I know. 😉

Writing Therapy,