I Think I Can…Update

Just to let you know, I am doing better.  Thanks again to all who encouraged me in some fashion…it means SO MUCH to me.

Taken last November

Taken last November

I haven’t had much time to devote to the blog lately.  I feel bad about that.

What I looked like almost 2 1/2 years ago.

What I looked like almost 2 1/2 years ago.

Here’s the deal.  Part of the problem lately is my realization of gaining an unreasonable amount of weight for a person of my size.  Unfortunately, I believe my blogging has encouraged this to some extent.  I am 5′ 3 1/2″ .  When my husband and I were married almost 19 years ago I weighed 102 pounds.  After being pregnant 4 times (1 miscarriage) I was happy at about 120-125 lb.  Well, now I am weighing in at about 143 pounds.  I weighed this amount when I was pregnant. {This makes me sick!}  Truly I don’t weigh myself very often…really only about once every 3 months when I go to the dr. for a med check.  I have noticed by 1. the way my pants fit…either too tight or I can’t even button them {you can hear me screaming in the background here} or 2. I can see it in photos.  I hate both, but the second is the most difficult for me.

Taken on my 41st birthday, you can tell in my face how much weight I've gained in just a year.

Taken on my 41st birthday, you can tell in my face how much weight I’ve gained in just a year.

Anyway, so I am determined to get back into shape, now that I am healthy and can get back in shape.  Being injured or sick doesn’t help when it comes to wanting to exercise.

Me 5 years ago going on a run on Christmas Day

Me 5 years ago going on a run on Christmas Day

I’ve been running again.  Let me tell you, if you are not a morning person {which I am not} then running in the day takes up a lot of time.  It’s been hard.  No, it’s been excruciating!  Running with 20 extra pounds is horrible.  I am barely able to run 3 miles without stopping right now.  Do you know how mentally difficult that is on someone who has run a marathon and 4 half marathons?  It’s been awful.  But I go because I am determined to get back into my pants and not buy a bigger size.  I go because I want to not be ashamed and sickened when I look at myself in photos.  I go because I want to be healthier and have more energy.

More recent photo of me with our daughter.

More recent photo of me with our daughter.

I should have left a couple of hours ago to run.  I’m dreading it.  I used to love going to run.

Life is good…I think I can…I know I can…my mantra while running.

 

 

Have a beautiful day friends,

Comments

  1. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You look great! You are a beautiful woman with so many talents. I am the same height as you and have come to the realization I will never see a certain weight again. But I am healthy and fit.
    I actually think you are more beautiful in your November photograph.

  2. As women I think we all feel this way. I appreciate it you sharing because I really can relate to this! For years I have struggled with my weight (I gained a lot of weight w/my pregnancies) and never quite ever lost it all! My baby is now 21 yrs. old- I can’t use that as an excuse anymore! Sad, huh? About 10 years ago I lost 60 lbs (the most ever) and I really should be about 50 lbs lighter. Over the last few years I have lost 15-20 lbs and then go up and down. I too run! From looking at me, you wouldn’t guess it, because I also really really enjoy food!…and chocolate!! lol.I My I’m so out of shape! I really seem to notice it too when I go to put on a pair of jeans that I used to fit into or when I look at myself in pix!! Running is kinda like singing for me…I really wish I was a lot better at it…I wish it came naturally for me! But it doesn’t. I have to work at it.

    I was so impressed to read you have completed a marathon!!! And several half-marathons!! Good for you!!That is so, so, awesome!! TOTAL AWESOMENESS!! A marathon is on my bucket list but not until I lose at least 50 lbs. Last year, I ran my first half-marathon and it was one of the most amazing experiences I ever did but was difficult because of the extra weight I had on. So I have set aside long distance races until I lose more weight! I am right there with you when I go workout and can’t even get through 3 miles…I think to myself, how did I ever do 13??!! I tend to get “out of shape” really easily and it takes me awhile to get back insync again.

    Shan, I think we (as women in the church) often feel we need to be “good at everything” and it brings us down…I know from reading your blog and being your IG friend (which I love by the way) that you are an incredible, beautiful woman! So dedicated to your family! You are sooo incredibly talented & creative!! And I know when I focus so much on my family and making their lives “just right”, I often neglect myself! Its easy to do! Its because I love my family so much! But we do need to take time for ourselves and love ourselves just the way we are…I like to think of myself as a “work in progress”!! lol.

    I guess I just wanted you to know, that you are not alone. Its something I deal with on a daily basis. I know I feel better when I am healthier. So each day I try a little harder. I really have felt like we have a lot in common and I really appreciate & cherish the friendship that has developed. So “cheers” to our fitness goals!! We can do this! We CAN do hard things! It’s in us…we are destined for greatness! We just probably won’t get there in one BIG JUMP!! So together we can “enjoy the journey” one step at a time 🙂

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