Right Frame of Mind

I’m up early this morning.  Youngest girl is going on a field trip.  She was so excited.  We pulled on her skinny jeans, slid on shoes and tied her scarf.  I should have taken a photo.  After preparing her sack lunch with a peanut butter sandwich, Cheetos, Oreos and G2, she was off.  DH took the kids to school on his way to work. Thank you hubby.

I’m going running this morning.  After scrounging up my layers of running clothes, including sliding on my compression socks and shoes, I decided to watch an inspirational video to get me in the right frame of mind.  This one was perfect.  I felt compelled to share it with you, my lovely readers today.

Doesn’t that put everything in perspective?
I think so.
Have a beautiful Friday my friends.

Sincerely,

“Are You In There?”

Tonight I have been preparing a lesson I will teach for our women’s Sunday School class tomorrow.  I am so grateful for this calling.  I learn so much from my studies/research and while teaching {or rather leading the discussion} I am taught by the students.

Being the visual person that I am, sometimes I like to involve media in the lessons I teach.  I finally found the perfect video to share that goes along with the lesson.  After it ended, another video began.  I was very touched by this video I happened {definitely not coincidence} upon.  It’s not related to the lesson I’m teaching, however it is indeed applicable to what I’m going through as a parent.  I’ve mentioned my struggles on here lately…I worry, maybe too much.  It’s been really rough.  So rough, I haven’t been blogging on a regular basis.  Even though it’s been rocky, my faith keeps me afloat.

I know Heavenly Father wanted me to see this video and it was a gift from Him to me.  He loves us so much…Oh and how grateful I am to know this…to FEEL this.

I believe we can all benefit from this precious counsel:

Be present for your family,

Name Them One By One

I’m continuing my list of one thousand gifts…not of gifts I want, but gifts I have.

I am writing them down, one to one thousand.

33. Celebrating Grandparent’s Day with my Oma yesterday.
34. Three generations of family.

35. Seeing our kids with their Great Oma.

36. Watching my Mom play tic tac toe with my Daughter.  Special time with her Grandmother on Grandparent’s Day.

37. Our oldest took a precious photo of our youngest & I together on my Birthday.

38. Youngest gave me my favorite candy as a Birthday gift.

39. Seeing & hearing our Daughter laugh.

40. Handsome hubby allowing me to take a photo of him at our oldest’s first football game of the school year.

41. Capturing my youngest taking an abstract photo.

42. Seeing my oldest look at the Senior dedication page I made for her in the football program.

Count your blessings,

The Healing Powers of Hope

Why do we have books?

We have books to learn, right?

It definitely depends on the book.

My Story

Scriptures aside, for many years the only books I ever cracked open were nonfiction books.  Still, the category of nonfiction is broad and can include many different types of books.  The books I used to read on a regular basis were considered Self Help.  For the first 14 years of my married life I immersed myself in reading about Organizing, Family, Parenting, Marriage, Home Improvement, etc.  However, included in the nonfiction category are also books that present facts about subjects, like real people, places, and events. Biographies, autobiographies, newspaper and magazine articles, personal and persuasive essays, histories, and textbooks are considered nonfiction writing.

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It was in 2008 where I had my first taste of fiction books.  I realized how these books offered me a way of ‘escaping’ my reality for a short time.  Up until that time, I used television and movies to facilitate my ‘escape.’  So for the last 4 years {again Scriptures aside} I have read 110 books.  Out of the 110 only 4 were nonfiction.  You might say I have made up for lost time, huh?  Let me remind you, several were read by way of audio book format. {You can read more about how I do that here.}  Audio books have made even the most menacing tasks tolerable and sometimes actually enjoyable.

Enough with the history…

Her Story

Instagram photo I took

I shared with you last month how I ordered Stephanie Nielson’s book Heaven Is Here I received this book on June 28th.  I began reading the book on July 24th.  You see, even though Stephanie is my hero…even though I wanted to find out more about what happened in her tragic accident…this book, her book, is a true account of her life.  There would be no escaping reality by reading her book.  Sure, it’s not my reality, yet it is of someone I highly admire and look up to.

I feel it important to relay to you I have never met Stephanie Nielson.  I did not read her blog NieNie Dialogues before her tragic plane crash. {note: she had 200,000 faithful & devoted readers before the accident}  I was introduced to Stephanie and her family when the news hit about her and Christian’s {Stephanie’s husband} accident.  A good friend of mine {thank you Emily} told me about what happened. {I’m not a news watcher.}  My friend thought I might be interested because Stephanie is a blogger and a member of our Church {not our local congregation.}  Not only that, her blog readers were instrumental in saying prayers and raising money to help the Nielsons.

Since the Nielson’s accident I have read her blog, watched her videos and listened to a radio show {interview with Stephanie & Christian} about what happened.  I really don’t want to sound like a broken record and go on and on about how inspiring she has been for me.  The point I’m trying to make here is this 1) Nonfiction hasn’t been my thing lately 2) I knew it would be difficult to read the details of someone I admire share her experience of being burned over 80% of her body.  Thus the reason it took me a while to actually open the book and begin reading.

Once I began reading I thought to myself, “Shan, why did you wait?”  It shouldn’t have surprised me how easy it is to read Stephanie’s story.  There is a reason she has 5 & a half million visitors a day {mentioned in their interview recorded a couple of years after the accident.}  She is a good writer.

The first section of her book/memoir is called Part One and is 11 chapters.  These chapters are about Stephanie’s life before the accident.  More importantly, the strong bonds of the family she came from and the one she has created with Christian.  As I read Part One I learned more about her personality.  There were many instances where I saw, in a way, a younger version of myself.  She talked about how she had short hair and didn’t care if boys don’t like her because her hair was short.  She wanted them to like her for who she is on the inside, not just on the outside.  Plus, like me, she is a hopeless romantic.  This was a surprise.  Just as reading about her and Christian’s courtship was a pleasant surprise in the book.  Their love story is like a fairy tale.  And it definitely does not end after they are married.  They are very much deeply in love, even today.

It was chapters 7-11 that affected me in a way I never saw coming.  These chapters are the Nielson’s happily ever after.  It is the story of how their family came to be.  It is stunningly beautiful.  Their family life is also like a fairy tale to me.

My Story

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In walked the comparison monster. {insert creepy music}  I began to compare my family life now, the one my husband & I have created together to the Nielson’s family life.

I know.  I know.  Comparison is not good.  Besides, a wise person once said, “Never compare someone’s middle with your beginning.”  In this case it would be the opposite.  Never compare someone’s beginning with your middle.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am extremely happy for the Nielsons.  I’m not jealous.  I just wish our family now is a fairy tale family like theirs.

“What?!” you might exclaim.  “The name of your blog is Family Brings Joy.  Doesn’t this mean your family is perfect and happy all the time?”

I wish I could say a resounding “YES!” to that question, but I can’t.  Life doesn’t work that way.

Right now our family dynamic is somewhat tumultuous:

Much Younger Me

I have always dreamed and fantasized of what it would be like when I had my own teenaged Daughter.  It was going to be awesome.  We would have so much fun together all the time.  We would be close.

I hate it when people would tell me how awful it is raising teenagers.  {Especially when my kids were colic babies}  I was determined to prove them wrong.  How could they be so negative?  Don’t they know we young parents don’t want to hear things are going to get bad with our kids.  We don’t want to hear about how they will want to ‘break away’ from the family to express their individuality and all that nonsense.  When we are in the thick of things, we want hope for the future.  Because each stage of our parenthood has a degree of difficulty.  We weren’t given a manual when they were born.  We learn as we go.  Most of the time we do what was modeled in our own families as we were growing up.  Anyway, turns out raising a teenaged Daughter hasn’t resulted in the way I dreamed it would.  And honestly, people telling me that her behavior is normal {hate that word} or not out of the ordinary does not help how I feel.

Raising a Son has been like learning a foreign language.  He’s almost 14 and very smart.  It amazes me all the trivia he has stored in his mind.  However, he lacks optimism and zeal for life.  I’m trying to put a positive spin on him being obstinate, oppositional and defiant.  He gives me the most gray hairs and knots in my muscles.

My youngest Daughter {9} works diligently at trying to make me happy.  Bless her heart.  Because of the older two, I accept her willingness to obey and her cheerful optimism about life.  I do it gladly and somewhat greedily knowing there might come a day that it will end {I still hope not.}  Her smiles and love notes are some times the only things that get me through the day.

My husband has a very demanding career where he puts in a lot of hours.  In addition, he puts in a lot of hours serving as Bishop of our local Church congregation.  One of his hobbies is running.  He currently is training for his 3rd marathon.  Are you seeing where 1+1+1= very little time with the family & I?

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Now put all these people together, including me with all my imperfectness, in the same room.  It is not your fairy tale family.  There is a lot of arguing among the siblings.  The volume of the voices are at a level I do not like.  It does not matter what I do, it doesn’t seem to help.  As parents, my husband & I get emotionally drained refereeing.  I’ve worked diligently at teaching my children values.  I’m not sure you would believe that if you were around them very long.  I’m too tired to share all the ways we have tried to make a change.  Just trust me, there are MANY.

I started thinking, “surely there has been a time in our family where we were happy.”  Sure enough there is and it was when my kids were younger.  I remember my Son running to me, giving me a tight squeeze in the middle of the day and saying, “I love you, Mommy.”  I remember giggles and play-dates with friends.  I remember fun family reunions and vacations.

But, I wish we could still be happy while the kids are older.  Isn’t it possible?

Then comes the light bulb moment…more like a reminder.  We all have trials.  Every family has trials.  Every person has trials.  They are all different.

 

Her Story

Let’s go back to Stephanie.  I have not finished reading her book.  I’m at chapter 18 now.  It is Part Two where she explains what happened in the plane crash and horrendous aftermath.

I wrote the following on my personal Facebook page on July 26th:

I’m stopped at Chapter 15 for tonight. I can’t read anymore. It’s so heart wrenching. I hope I’ll be able to fall asleep after crying. I’m so grateful to know Stephanie’s progress since their accident. Oh my goodness what she went through…

Stephanie’s honesty about her days upon waking from her medical induced coma is difficult for me to read.  It makes me incredibly sad.  My heart feels for her.  This trial she endured {and continues to endure} is something I can not comprehend.  It is difficult to read her words without crying and sometimes sobbing.  This is why I can only read a little at a time right now.

My Story

Look at what I learned about myself while reading only half of this book?

Is it possible that my unhappy family right now, this huge trial for me {I know this might seem like a big stretch} could be likened to the Nielson’s tragic accident?  I mean no offense to anyone, especially not to the Nielsons.  I have not suffered the same physical agonizing pain as they have from being burned on 40-80% of my body.  I definitely don’t want to belittle what they have gone through.  {Don’t worry, I’m not asking for monetary support of any kind. Prayers are always helpful, though.} On the other hand, I have deep emotional ‘burns.’  I believe our Family can be together forever, beyond this life.  Family is very important to me. {Hopefully that is evident in this blog.}  It is agony to not feel unified in our family.  {Stephanie & Christian’s families played a crucial role in their recovery.}  Many times, being the Mother, I feel it is my fault.  This starts the cruel shame wheel that plays, “You’re a failure.” on repeat.  I then go over and over in my mind what I could have done to prevent this.  It’s sometimes easier to think it’s something I have done, so I can feel I have control and be able to make a positive change.  I can control me, not them.  Maybe I’ve been escaping too much to my fiction books and need to dust off those nonfiction ones again?

So is there hope?

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Conclusion

Heaven Is Here‘s sub title is: An incredible story of hope, triumph, and everyday joy It is completely that.  Even though I haven’t finished her book yet, I know how this story in Stephanie’s chapter of life ‘ends.’  She is alive and well.  She just had their 5th child!  She is as beautiful as ever.  She is an inspiration…one of the most positive people I know.  Every time I see a photo she posts on Instagram I am grinning ear to ear for her.  If Stephanie can overcome being burned on 80% of her body.  I can overcome this trial in my life.  She gives me HOPE.

Last but not least, I HOPE after baring this burden, you will not give up on visiting this humble abode of a blog.  This is real life…I believe in families…I still believe families can bring Joy.

Disclaimer:  Once again, I have not been paid by anyone, including the Nielsons, to write this post.

Hope is powerful,

Running Dedications

On our way to the start line here in Hilton Head.  My friend, Monica, is running with me. I wanted to take a few minutes for dedications.

Every mile will be devoted to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

The first 6.5 miles I’m dedicating to my family.  Not just my immediate family.  My whole family, present & past…extended…ancestors.

The second 6.5 miles, I’m dedicating to you, my friends/readership.

I could not do this without all of you.

Show time! 13.1…

Treasure-Trove Thursday {Daughters}

This edition of Treasure-Trove Thursday was delayed due to preparation for Birthday & Baptism festivities held yesterday.

Since we celebrated my baby’s {meaning my youngest child} birthday yesterday, it is only natural for me to want to feature Daughters as my treasure.  I had excellent intentions of writing a post yesterday.  But if I had, I wouldn’t have been able to share these precious photos of her with you today. 🙂 {Trying to look at the positive side of things.}

Sheet cakes were few and far between at the store {no time for baking a cake these days} so I ended up buying two smaller ones.  My daughter likes chocolate cake and I like white cake.  So we had two cakes…one white and one chocolate.  It worked out well because we had one for the family party at the restaurant and one prettier one for the baptism.  Both were cut & shared with friends and family after the baptism service.  I dolled up the green one with real flower mums.  I LOVE the look of real flowers on a cake, so lovely, don’t you think? 😉

I just can’t imagine my life without any of my children.  This includes my youngest daughter.  I shared on Mother’s Day how I had a miscarriage between my Son {whom I am indeed grateful for & intend on featuring Sons as a treasure of mine in the future. :D} and the daughter I am referring to.  My first born was a girl as well, so I am blessed with 2 daughters.  After the miscarriage, my husband and I debated whether we should try again.  After something so tragic happens, you tend to wonder if it is a sign. {at least I did, maybe not everyone who experiences a miscarriage would.}  I wondered if this was a sign telling me to not to have another child.  I was completely heartbroken.  Usually, while you are grieving it is not the best time to make decisions.  The doctor told us how common miscarriages are.  Every one in three pregnancies end up miscarrying.  I had no idea.  Anyway, to make a long story short, we prayed and decided to try again as soon as we could.  The beautiful girl above is the miraculous result.  Sometimes when I consider how my life would be without her, my heart aches deep inside.  I simply can not imagine our family without her.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted a daughter.  Even when I was a little girl I thought about things I would say to her.  I wanted to share my experiences as a girl with her.  How grateful I am for the opportunity to do this with not just one daughter, but two!  Since their personalities are so different, it’s interesting how I find myself sharing different stories with each of them.  Having my own daughter has increased and strengthened my relationship with my own Mother as well.

In regards to my oldest daughter, I am very happy to report that she made the varsity color guard team!  Thank you to all who prayed on her behalf! It means so much to me! I walked up to the school and she sauntered out of the building so carefree.  One look on her face, the huge grin and I knew the results!  I was so happy to NOT see tears running down her face like the last two years, that in turn the tears were streaming down mine. Tears of joy and gratitude. Tears of seeing her receive the culmination of much perseverance and effort on her part. How very proud and pleased I am with her.

So celebrate Daughters with me today.  Take a moment, if you have been blessed with a daughter, and tell me about them.  I will end with a very sweet song from Martina McBride.

Love my girls,